Thing #1: How to Properly Run a Radio Station

Admittedly, a solid 0% of the people who read this are probably never going to have anything to do with a radio station other than that they listen to one.  But this is a problem I’d like to rant about discuss logically.

I love music very much.  But over the years I have become ardently against most radio stations.  Why?  Because of their inability to play anything other than the same songs, day after day, hour after hour.

I am inclined to doubt that the one that my bus driver plays every morning is actually run by human beings.  My theory is robots.

And not cool robots like this:

But robots like this:

I’ll show you.  This is my morning:

1. Get onto bus like so:

2. Sit down like so:

3. Hear radio commercials end and music begin like so:

Why?  Because not only are the same songs played over and over again, but whoever does run the station continually insists on introducing their tunes with the statement that they are “new”.

INCORRECT.

If you have been playing the same songs, quite literally, for weeks on end, by definition THEY HAVE CEASED TO BE NEW!

At what point did this plan seem smart?  Let’s say that, for the sake of argument, “new” can still describe a song two months after it has been released.  Even if this were so, by playing it repeatedly (and I do mean repeatedly), the newness has become so utterly beaten down that I might as well be listening to white noise, albeit white noise with triple the levels of swearing and innuendo.

Now that I’ve gotten that out…

It’s hard to keep my personal tastes in music out of this, but I’ll refrain.  Really, the point isn’t that they play what I think is bad music.  It’s that they aren’t living up to what I think a radio station should be: entertaining.  Their choice of words is just pouring salt on the wound; there’s nothing to be gained by making a false statement and simply hoping your listeners are too wrapped up in their Monday-morning misery to care.

Words are a powerful tool, and I think we’ll find on this journey that a lot of the things people misunderstand are in some way related to language.

So please, if you know currently run a radio station, plan to in the future, or know someone who does, spread the word.  Don’t pretend like your listeners aren’t smart just to increase your ratings.  I can deal with music that I’m not fond of.  I can also deal with that music again and again and again.  But I do not like to be lied to.

Thanks for joining this sarcastic GIF-ridden post.  Hang around for more sarcasm and more GIFs.

P.S. Click on any GIFs or images to be taken to their original sources.

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4 thoughts on “Thing #1: How to Properly Run a Radio Station

  1. This was quite entertaining, Alex! I remember enjoying your wit in your froshie DL blog as well, so I’m excited to be reading your blog once more. Great combo of your own writing and gifs; seamless integration of the two! I can’t wait to see what you write about next!

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  2. So true – you’re NOT the first station to play this song, and it’s NOT new! I hate it when the constant repetition makes me tired of the songs. It seems like the only music stations play these days are those same “new” songs from this month or even last year. It didn’t have to be in the top 40 to be good. I like sarcastic GIF-ridden posts. And I love your blog name and (what I think is) your theme. Hope you don’t mind if I stalk your next few posts.

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  3. Alex, I could not agree with you anymore. Every time I get into the car with my parents we have an argument about who gets to play the music and I win, but there’s honestly no point. The radio stations just play the same song over and over again that by the end even my parents have the songs memorized. Every time I try to change stations the other station is pretty much just playing the song that just ended on the last station. I love your theory about the robots and your gifs were hilarious, as they always are.

    Like

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